one of the tzir

New People Start Here

2008-04-04T11:52:00.001+03:00

If you have happened upon this site today for the first time then you should probably start here:

Then go through the archives from September 2007 and on.

AWOL update

2008-04-04T01:55:00.001+03:00

The other day I was resting when Sarah franticly came into my room and whispered that 2 soldiers in uniform were at the door looking for me.

I was sure that 2 MPs were standing there just waiting to take me away. Turns out that my unit sent two soldiers from the base (between Beer Sheva and Eilat) in order to take me down there.

Sarah and I sat them down, gave them some cold water and told them the whole story + gave them weeks and weeks worth of blood tests to bring back with them to the negev. After 10 minutes they realized that I was legit, and they sheepishly left for their 3 hour ride back.

The best part is that I have a friend in the same unit who faked being sick, and they let him go, sight unseen over the phone.

For those not familiar with the Israeli army - nothing I have told is out of the ordinary.

AWOL

2008-03-31T13:37:00.001+03:00

First of all, since my parents are reading this for the first time - Ab and Im - Don't be alarmed, it will all work out.

The Story:

Around three months ago I received a phone call from the military office in charge of my reserve duty, confirming the fact that I had reserve duty at the end of March. I cordially informed them that since I'm sick I won't be there and I faxed the appropriate medical documents and they told me that all was in order. Afterwards I called my company commander and told him, he was sympathetic and showed interest in visiting me at home (even though he is new and I've never met him).

....Yesterday I got a phone call that the doctor will not approve my discharge without inspecting me himself at the base. Now this might have been a fair request, had the base not been near Eilat!

So, in the meantime, I have been classified as AWOL, while I sort this out. Ironically, I suspect that the doctor is the same one that gave me the eydrops

But, stop worrying. Anyone who has dealt with the Israeli army before is familiar with this insanity... all will work out.

The weekly doctor's visit

2008-02-20T18:25:00.002+02:00

Usually we go to the doctor on Tuesday, but in Jerusalem even the chance of snow scares everyone away and no one showed up at the hospital yesterday.
I think the visit today was one of our most successful ones to date. If there was a formula that could give an absolute answer as to whether all my counts are up or down, today we would have reached an all time high.

Hemoglobin - 8.4
Neutrophils - 0.9
Platelets - 27

2008-02-18T18:03:00.001+02:00

It's supposed to snow again in Jerusalem tonight. Hard to remember 3 snow days in one winter, it must be global warming.
Last time it snowed was right around the time that my doctor insisted that I try to get back to a normal life. So, I decided that against everyone's better judgment I would venture out into the snow. As we past by the president's house, I thought it would be nice to take a picture in his unplowed driveway that was being cleared by 2 secret service agents with squeegees. As Sarah was about to take a picture, one of the agents started yelling at her that it was illegal. This really got me started since I enjoy fighting for my constitutional rights for no reason other than they are rights. I started arguing with the guy about my right to freedom and the fact that journalist photograph the house all the time etc. The other agent admitted that I was right and even offered to take the picture. And after all of that.. my eyes were closed, but I got the picture

2008-01-30T17:19:00.000+02:00

New post coming soon, in the meantime, here is a video taken yesterday. Sid the father in law, Sarah and I went on a trip down to the Ramon Crater. My first trip anywhere since Eilat.

NPR segment on Aplastic Anemia

2008-01-16T23:54:00.000+02:00

From NPR:

At age 12, Edward Llanos contracted a potentially fatal blood disorder called aplastic anemia. Fortunately, one of his brothers was a match for a bone marrow transplant.
Now, a healthy 18-year-old Edward interviews his family about his illness and discovers that his parents and brothers still feel its effects.

Expectations and hair growth

2008-01-14T22:23:00.001+02:00

After the whole bone marrow biopsy ordeal last week, Sarah and I couldn't wait for the Pathology report. We thought that somehow drilling into my hipbone and inspecting the bone shards under a microscope might lead to some definitive path towards my full recovery. A week had passed since the biopsy and there was still no report. The doctor said that she had seen the slides and it all looked positive. But the report! that's where the answers must lie. Well, we got the report today. It had one line: everything looks positive, there are cells of every type visible. The doctor told us the same thing a week ago.
all we're really asking for is a path, even a long and difficult one towards normal blood counts. Sarah and I sometimes have this dark conversation where we discuss what's worse, cancer or aplastic anemia. I keep on arguing that aplastic anemia is at such a disadvantage since it is such a rare disease, even if it is worse than some forms of cancer. There is no Dana Farber, no Jimmy Fund, no "Aguda Lemilchama Ba-Aplastic Anemia". We gave in a request for aid from the Israeli Cancer Society, still no answer, it will be interesting to see how they categorize my condition, are we "cancer worthy".
a friend of mine told me that for conditions such as mine, there is a non profit organization called The Society for Rare Diseases, I wonder if I qualify for that. Sometimes it's a little disconcerting that the largest study of Aplastic Anemia had only about 200 patients. For my doctors I'm a study as much as a patient. How many patients with my condition have they possibly seen 10. Cancer experts have seen thousands. The world expert on Aplastic Anemia probably hasn't seen more than 500. In any event, tomorrow is Tuesday which is doctor day, we'll see what they say.
On another note, I've had like 5 haircuts in the past 3 months. Cyclosporin, the drug I'm taking makes hair grow just about everywhere at an alarming pace, just got another haircut yesterday.
I know that I promised to post all the random stuff at randomsurfing.tumbler.com, but I just couldn't resist, this video embodies my current relationship with Sarah, I also added some pictures so you can see that I don't look deathly ill.

Bone Marrow Biopsy

2008-01-11T00:13:00.001+02:00

SInce leaving the hospital 2 months ago, I've spent most of my time at home, gaining strength. Now, as long as I don't have to walk up any steps, bend down, or do anything remotely strenuous I feel great, and can sometimes forget that anything is wrong with me at all. Then it hits me. I suddenly get tired lose focus mid conversation, get short of breath of breath or just get that general feeling that I'm 75 years old.
But complaints aside, I feel better than I have in months. I remember being in the hospital and thinking that there was no way I could go through another ATG, let alone a bone marrow transplant. At one point I was so frustrated by the care I was planning to pack my bags and go to Hadassa. But being at home heals far more efficiently than hospitals can, I thought it was because of the sleep, now I know it is:

"Current clinical-care protocols routinely and severely deprive critically ill patients of sleep at a time when the need for adequate rest is perhaps most essential," said Dr. Randall Friese, assistant professor of burn/trauma/critical care at UT Southwestern

In the past few weeks, I have been sighted in various places around the neighborhood. As my strength returns, I need to and have been able to get out more often. The funny thing about all of this is that I'm totally psyched to get on to the next stage, get a bone marrow transplant and be done with it, only the doctors have been more reluctant.
Originally they told us to wait a month to see if the ATG treatment would work. then they said 3 months, now the doctor says that since there is a positive upward trend in my blood counts we will wait longer, even though the three months were up 10 days ago.
A story:
A very good friend of mine insisted that while I go through my treatment I read catch 22.
He reasoned that plenty of people are reciting Tehilim or prayers with me in mind, and that he could attest to the great healing powers of Catch 22. His sister was in the hospital with severe complications during childbirth. While other read Tehilim, he sat outside of her room all night and read Catch 22, in the morning her condition changed for the better. Since then, he reads the book over and over as inspiration.
Now, although Catch 22 hasn't healed me, it has given me much insight into my condition and for that I am grateful to my friend's insistance. You see, every week I go to the hospital for my weekly checkup hoping that the doctors will give me an answer to all of my problems, or at least reveal the next course of treatment, a plan, or something. Yet almost like clockwork, every week, they decide to wait yet another week before deciding what to do. It's almost like they wish that something drastic will happen, either I get terribly sick and they admit me to the hospital for emergency treatment, or I get better and go on with my life. But my counts are so stable in their mediocrity that the doctors have no clue what to do. This condition is best described by Joseph Heller in the book:

"Yossarian was in the hospital with a pain in his liver that fell just short of being jaundice. The doctors were puzzled by the fact that it wasn't quite jaundice. if it became jaundice they could treat it. If it didn't become jaundice and went away they could discharge him. But this just being just short of jaundice all the time confused them"

Last week I had another bone marrow biopsy. For some reason everyone grows up learning at some point in their life that extracting bone marrow is an excruciatingly painful procedure. I'm not sure when that ever comes up in the k-12 curriculum, but it's just one of those things that everyone seems to know. Well I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but it doesn't hurt.

I was lying in the fetal position in the examination room, waiting for this humongous needle to pierce my bone. The doctor was great, she explained each step before. I had fasted that morning because she had planned to administer general anesthesia and she warned me that one of the side effects was amnesia, and that I would probably forget what happened this morning. In the meantime the woman in the bed next to me who had just gotten the same procedure started snoring. On top of that I didn't want to forget all the episodes of 30 Rock that I had seen that morning. So I opted out of the general for local. I got scared for a second when the nurse raised her brow at me, but the doctor said it would be fine. She walked me through the whole procedure and it didn't hurt at all. The only scary part was the "dentist like feeling" of drilling when she pushed the needle into the bone, but it really only sounded funny.

Results:
Full results aren't back but under the microscope it appears that I have all the different types of cells growing, which is a positive sign. but again, it's only positive enough to stall further treatment, but I'm far from being healed.

Blood Counts:

Hemoglobin 7.6

Platelets 22,000

White blood count 1.2

Neutrophils 0.7

randomsurfing,tumblr.com

2008-01-09T20:53:00.001+02:00

At the behest of my top advisor, This blog will be dedicated to my illness and feelings. The problem is that for most of the day I try not to think about my feelings too much, I like to relax watch tv and read. So I've creating an outlet for the random stuff that I find, hmm... I think I'll call it "Random Surfing". There I'll post videos, pictures, websites and articles that I come across. check it out.

Bush Visits Jerusalem

2008-01-09T20:10:00.001+02:00

It has been reported that the US state department spends 25,000 dollars an hour on incidentals when a president visits our country. What no one take into account is the effect on the Jerusalem economy. This morning I got a cup on coffee on Emeq Refaim, nowhere close to where Bush was, yet they were blocking traffic on such a key street. In addition, the municipality gives no warning as to which streets will be closed or for how long. My friend parked in an area the was quarantined, and he can't get to his car for the next few days. I saw a delivery guy for a pizza shop that got stuck after a delivery. The streets were empty, I wonder how this visit hurts Jerusalem businesses bottom line. My father caught the motorcade on Ramban st. on his cellphone:

Google AdSense

2008-01-06T22:44:00.001+02:00

Since my blog gets about 50 visits a day, I thought I would experiment with Google Adsense, so don't forget to click on my sponsers, I'll report back in a month to tell you how it went.

Blogged with Flock

Email Bankruptcy

2008-01-06T20:07:00.001+02:00

Previously, I mentioned that my inbox had swelled to unmanageable proportions. Many people get into the same predicament when they go away on vacation, get ill etc. There are two mainstream approaches to managing overwhelming inboxes, but they both fall short:

Responding to the oldest emails first, the problem is the new email continue to amass.
Answering the newest ones first, business as usual, and during email lulls go back to the older ones. The problem with this approach is that the oldest emails don't get responded to for months.

Recently I have heard of a new approach revolutionized by Lawrence Lessig the creator of the Creative Commons License, He proposed to put everything behind you and declare "Email Bankruptcy". From what I heard, he does it every year on his birthday. He sends a letter to his entire address book saying that he has hereby declared email bankruptcy, and from that point on you should not expect to recieve a reponse. If the email sent was important please send it again.

So, quoting venture capitalist Fred Wilson:

"I am so far behind on e-mail that I am declaring bankruptcy, If you've sent me an e-mail (and you aren't my wife, partner, or colleague), you might want to send it again. I am starting over."

Healthcare in Israel

2008-01-05T17:54:00.000+02:00

One of the things that has crossed my mind many times during this ordeal is how treatment would have differed if I had still lived in America. The system here has worked so flawlessly, and has made me feel that everything has balanced out. What I mean is that in Israel a person can get an anxiety attack just from the thought of visiting the post office. People show signs of road rage while sitting in line at the bank, as if terror isn't a big enough problem. Yet I know feel that enduring third world quality customer support is worth the benefits of the health care system. Since my first Doctor's appointment, I have not paid a cent for anything. Our parking ticket was even validated. Whatever you think of Michael Moore, I strongly advise seeing his movie "Sicko", it was an eye opener for me, especially during the US election season.
This clip by a CNN correspondent about his botched surgery is also a must see:

2007-12-21T00:51:00.001+02:00

I've already gotten complaints that my last blog post was too brief, and I acted as if I've been blogging regularly, that's my style, deal with it.

My Doctor is at a conference/vacation in the USA, I'm really just sitting around waiting. By the way, my medication can probably cure all the bald people in the world (not that baldness is a disease) my hair has been growing at an alarming rate.

Flock, Barometric Pressure and other things

2007-12-20T21:22:00.001+02:00

Once the hate mail started coming in at a steady pace, I realized that I couldn't hide any longer. But everyone out there whose complained about the tardiness of my posts has fallen into the same trap that I have. Because since my last blog post nothing has changed with my condition.
My blood has not budged an inch. I guess this is a good thing considering that I haven't had a blood transfusion since the nurse forced one upon me a month and a half ago, this makes me a "responder" to the ATG, based on Dr. Neil Young's article, which is a good thing, but I'm still only half way to being a "robust responder", time is of the essence.

In the meantime, I caught a cold, which was expected, especially since I've been trying to get back to a normal schedule and walk further than around the block.

A few new discoveries:

In this world of Facebook, twitter, flickr, gmail, myspace etc. it's a little overwhelming to check all of your various accounts, I found this great new web browser "Flock" that helps you organize a lot of that. To understand what it's all about go to

http://daily.mahalo.com/2007/12/19/md026-flock/

One of the "perks" of my condition was that I didn't have to go to a huge 5 day military training excercise. My friend Idan Dershowitz was gracious enough to share some pictures of what I missed

I have a little headache today. My cousin Yoni claims that it is due to extreme changes in barometric pressure, anyone know about that?

Excel sheet of my health

2007-11-25T17:14:00.000+02:00

Remember that time that I was woken up at 4:30 in the morning to a mysterious blood test. So the funny thing is that none of the other doctors knew about that blood test and the results went missing in action. For a while I suspected that this doctor had a secret lab in her apartment that she was using to do tests on me in those old fashioned beaker with the blue and green liquid.

So now, for the sake of that doctor and anyone else that is interested, I present: Yehuda's blood counts since my ATG in Excel format. I promise that I won't post anymore blood counts for a while, there have just been a lot of requests. I hope to update that spreadsheet often as I get new results, so check back often. According to Neil Young, the world expert in Aplastic Anemia, I need to reach 50,000 (or 50 on the excel sheet) platelets by December 30th for the ATG to be considered "effective".

My Blood Counts

2007-11-22T00:28:00.000+02:00

It is possible that someone will advise me against what I am doing, but below are my full blood counts from the past month for those hardcore enthusiasts. My ATG finished on October 1, these counts are from October 22 and on.

2007-11-22T00:07:00.000+02:00

I recently discovered this site: http://aplasticcentral.com/Aplastic_Anemia_Stories.asp

I thought it was a good read about other people with Aplastic Anemia

2007-11-22T00:03:00.000+02:00

The Mask

Certain celebrities can get away with wearing a surgical mask and just hanging out with friends:

but I apparently can't.

We went for our first out-patient visit to Shaarei Zedek on Tuesday, it was also my first time leaving the house and we were a bit wary of the germs floating around in the wild, so I as my King of Pop counterpart decided to distance my self from the public at large by wearing a mask.

However, unlike Michael Jackson people don't assume that I am protecting myself from them, rather I, Yehuda, must have some horrible disease such as Malaria or Cholera. But of course, we live in a politically correct society where people won't outright show their fear of me, yet I feel fear in the little things. Perhaps someone will choose to walk on the other side of the hallway as he or she passes me, or they will choose to take the next elevator. All I want to do is shout out: "It's not me, it's YOU".

Thanksgiving Resolution

2007-11-20T20:30:00.000+02:00

It has been a really rough week for Sarah and I, transitioning into home life again. Physically, I feel about the same as I felt in the hospital, only I'm home and everything seems normal. It's been hard for me to sit down at the computer and update the blog, but I have a newfound commitment to all of our friends.

Many have been trying to reach me, whether by phone, email, or bribes such as books, homemade fleece quilts and donuts. Don't feel discriminated against, I have answered no one. You aren't the only person that I hate and I don't want to talk to, I have shut everyone off. My mind is focused 100% on recovering and spending time with Sarah(/books/computer/T.V).

It takes sickness to make you realize just how many people in the world care about you (that and an email inbox with over 1000 unread messages and a voicemail box with over 100).

So, in appreciation of my friends I will attempt to recommit myself to regular updates, that will be my way of communicating with everyone.

A few thoughts since I've been home

One of the things I've been pondering at length is human perspective. It seems to be an innate feature of our brains that our perspective is short and selective. most of my examples are political so I will spare you the chance to argue, let's just say it is something I believe.

With Aplastic Anemia perspective is key. We are used to the typical cycle of: Getting sick, not going to the doctor, getting more sick, insisting to spouse/mother that we are fine, getting more sick, succumbing to said spouse/mother, going to the doctor, filling prescription, getting better.
That cycle takes at most a month, where the getting better part takes about a week. With Aplastic Anemia that week can take about a year or two. But our innate inability to feel perspective almost marred our judgment.
After a month of waiting with no results our patience was strained, we planned to rush into a bone marrow transplant. But my point is that not only did the lay people: myself, Sarah, my parents think that we should move towards a transplant my doctors thought the same - even professionals that are familiar with the scientific literature and know that results can take three months or more lost perspective, not because they didn't know any better, rather they succumbed to their gut feeling that has no ability to take things in perspective, they were as impatient as we were.

Now I realize how wrong we were. Today, after almost two months since my treatment I finally feal some results, albeit minor ones.

Here are my numbers:

Hemoglobin: 7.1 (normal: 14-15.5)
Platelets: 16 (normal: 150-450)
Neutrophils: 0.6 (normal 1.5-2.5)

This is phenomenal progress if compared to my numbers from 2 months ago, we were just expecting it to take a week. It's a little unnerving when you get blood results at least twice a day and they seem the same, but now I realize how excellent they are. Kind of like how you don't notice that someone is growing taller when you see them every day.

I know that my platelets seem low since the last post, but considering that I haven't had a platelet transfusion in over a month 16 is excellent. The best news is that I chose to forgo a red blood transfusion this week, leaving my total number of red transfusions at 15.

The next month is critical in our decision whether to pursue a transplant. The American Hematologist society has their yearly conference in two weeks in Atlanta so 75% of all Israeli hematologists will be out of the country for most of December, meaning that a transplant is not even an option until January.

The saying in the medical field is "Don't get sick on July 1st, since the new interns start then, and don't get Aplastic Anemia in December".

Many more posts to come, I'll try. Thank everyone for all of your support.

2007-11-05T14:12:00.000+02:00

After who knows how long, I'm finally home. Meuchedet (my insurance company) sends a nurse every other day to take blood and monitor my condition (I bet they wished that I had joined Macabi).

I would say that I feel now slightly worse than the day I decided to go to the doctor. The wide expanse of our apartment compared to the hospital is a little unnerving, and I have to catch my breath when I walk around the living room.

I know there are those that follow my blood levels like it's the Dow so here they are, if you are an aspiring hematologist, or just like fooling around with blood in your spare time, maybe you can offer a second opinion:

Hemoglobin: 6.8 (normal: 14-15.5)
Platelets: 21 (normal: 150-450)
Neutrophils: 0.3 (normal 1.5-2.5)

Slides of my blood available upon request

Day 37

2007-10-23T19:56:00.000+02:00

Today marks the 37th day since my first visit to the E.R. 31 days straight in the hospital, 22 days since the end of the ATG.

looking back on the whole ordeal, I believe that the biggest miracle is the fact that I didn't get sick (stomach sick, aplastic anemia I had) in the 2 weeks before Rosh Hashanna.
You see, Sarah was in the U.S, and I wasn't as carefull with the cleanliness of the apartment, or the kitchen, food, George Forman... to say the least.

As the saying goes: "single people wash their dishes before they eat, married people - after"

it' 5:30, why am I awake?

2007-10-23T05:41:00.000+02:00

At 4:30 this morning a doctor came in and mumbled something about needing to take blood, turned on all the lights, poked a needle in me and left... At 4:45 the nurse came in turned on the light and hooked me up to the I.V... At 5:00 they came in to check my vitals.

Am I crazy, or is this a little early?

Now on normal days they usually start this routine between 6:00 and 6:45, which for 25 year olds is very early, yet I can understand that the majority of the hospital population are probably in that early bird demographic.

but 4:30? Come on.

I confronted the nurse. She told me they always start this early. I said - 4:30? So she's like, no it's 5. (ugh. I wasn't talking about the time now, I meant the time you started. Duh). She tried to bargain with me and claim that they actually started at 4:45 which is like 5, which is so close to 6:00 that it was childish of me to argue.

"we start on different sides of the ward every day, today was your side, but if you want I can disconnect you and then reconnect you in 45 minutes at 6"

Thanks for totally missing the point, I'm telling on you to my sleep-expert uncle.

quick update

2007-10-22T19:53:00.000+02:00

A new video is coming soon... We're working on it.

just sitting around waiting, they now say that we should wait for at least another month to see if the atg worked. So I'll be in hospital for a while.

there is a perfect match for a bone marrow transplant, no I don't know who it is.

one of the strangest side effects of this whole ordeal is that I've stopped liking coffee, which I must admit sounds strange until I read that one of my medications leads to "taste perversion", which also explains my sudden craving for salad.

while reviewing some of the classic films of our times I couldn't help but notice the strangely familiar line spoken in The Big Lebowski: "Dude, where's my car?" "Where's your car dude?"

that makes you wonder. (I apologize to my former chavruta, the real life dude, if that was obvious)

In Defense of Insanity

2007-10-11T16:01:00.001+02:00

One of the big mysteries that have yet to be solved is how I contracted the anemia. In an attempt to find some answers I revisited the wikipedia article, which states the following:

In many cases, the etiology is impossible to determine, but aplastic anemia is sometimes associated with exposure to substances such as benzene, radiation, or to the use of certain drugs, including chloramphenicol,

One click on "Chloramphenicol" and I discover:

In the West, chloramphenicol is still widely used in topical preparations (ointments and eye drops) for the treatment of bacterial conjunctivitis. Isolated cases report of aplastic anaemia following chloramphenicol eyedrops exist, but the risk is estimated to be less than 1 in 224,716 prescriptions

I had bacterial conjunctivitis when I was in Miluim and I suspected that I might have used chloramphenicol, but alas! how could I prove it.

Then I remembered...

Below is a picture of the Israeli chloramphenicol:

Hmm... but how could I ever prove that I had an eye condition or that the doctor prescribed anything that might lead to aplastic anemia... Was I crazy enough to randomly videotape myself during miluim minutes after the doctor came:

Note: the guy at the beginning of the video is the doctor. With all of this, the statistics are against this event being the catalyst, but it is comical. On a less comical note, my eye was bothering me last week in the hospital and they accidentally prescribed chloramphenicol again, that is a little scary

Update: I'm in a weird place right now, there are times during the day that I feel great and then suddenly I'll get chills and feel horrible, right now the bad is outweighing the good. My legs are killing me, so right now I'm focused on exercising them and stretching.

Waiting

2007-10-09T10:13:00.000+02:00

After the clown left last Sunday my temperature suddenly spiked to 40c (hot), that started a week long roller coaster ride of treatments anti biotics etc. The doctors discovered that I had a Staph infection, possibly contracted from one of my many blood tests. My leg muscles also failed on me and I haven't been able to walk in a week.

Today I'm feeling better, my usual tired self, only now I can blame it on low blood levels.

All that is left at the moment is to wait to see if my body will now produce blood by itself. So it's just a lot of sitting around at the hospital... blood tests... blood transfusions... platelets... waiting.

If this doesn't work, we'll move towards a transplant

2007-09-30T17:16:00.000+02:00

Avram Nathan (Rosie's husband and Debbie's cousin in-law) came to visit. He is a medical clown who dabs in some hi-tech in his spare time.

His routine is not normally designed for a 25 year old and Sarah and I were a little embarrassed for him to visit, but it turned out to be a hit and the highlight of the week.

The show was reminiscent of a David Blaine street routine crossed with a little Uri Geller mind reading. It started off with the no hands shoe-tie, card tricks, a little comedy, we couldn't stop laughing.

The treatment is nearing the end, tomorrow is the last day, but the recovery will take another month. I'm feeling very weak right now and I sleep for most of the day.

My claim to fame is that in 10 days I have yet to eat any hospital food, we order in a lot and people have been very generous with bringing over home cooked meals.

Of special note are Debbie Eisenberg and Rachelle Isserow who sent over so many delicacies that I feel like I ate at their tables over the Chag.

2007-09-26T09:50:00.000+02:00

Rabbit wins

2007-09-26T08:39:00.000+02:00

I started the therapy yesterday, it takes about 12 hours, during which I feel chills hot flashes, have coughing bouts and a little nausea. No visitors for a while, I'm having a really tough time.
This morning was a little better, they took out my I.V and gave me steroids, but I haven't started today's treatment yet so I took a long hot shower. I find many similarities between the army and hospital life (those who were with me in the army will understand as I write this is a plush terry cloth robe).

Any way they have been administering rabbit a liter a day - 100 ml an hour, plus steroids to ease the side effects and 10 humongous pills of cyclosporin 500 mg in the morning and 500 mg at night.

A poll

2007-09-24T15:25:00.000+02:00

The doctors can't seem to agree over the proper treatment and there is a constant back and forth over Rabbit Vs. Horse. Don't worry if you don't understand what that means you're not the only one, I have no clue. So we will use the wisdom of the crowd to solve this debate once and for all:

Should the serum for my treatment be extracted from a horse or a rabbit.

Another night

2007-09-24T14:50:00.000+02:00

The rabbit still alludes our grasp. Another night at the hospital, hopefully the treatment will start tomorrow.

From my understanding the philosophy behind the treatment is that since my immune system is attacking itself, the immune system will be suppressed allowing the bone marrow to replenish, the question is what will happen when the immune system starts working again.

Of Rabbits and Horses, and men

2007-09-24T13:43:00.001+02:00

Finally, ADSL service in the hospital room.

Here's an update:

Since they can't find a bone marrow donor, I should be starting immuno suppressive treatment soon. The holdup has been over whether the medication shall be from a horse or a rabbit. Originally it was believed that horse is the proper treatment but now it is apparent that rabbit will suffice. The doctor says that the insistence on a horse is a result of the strong pharmaceutical lobby.

My blood levels are low, but I'm holding out on another transfusion, enough with other peoples blood, it's kind of spooky when you think about it. When I asked Dr. Michael about my blood levels he said "they are low, you didnt' think they would go up by themselves did you?"

And as to that question that everyone wants to ask but won't... the answer is yes.

Just to give you an understanding of my blood levels, a normal person has between 150,000 and 450,000 platelets, I have less than 5,000 and that is after a blood transfusion. So now is probably not the time to get any cuts.

As you might have gathered, I'm at Shaarei Zedek again. I came on Sunday for a routine checkup and they decided to admit me until they find the rabbit.

Sarah wants to know why I don't take a more proactive role in the decisions regarding my treatment, I told her:

All I ever want to know about my treatments are: will it hurt? will I need a catheter?

On all other matters I trust the doctors

aviad and eden

2007-09-23T15:20:00.000+02:00

Eden is wondering what a blog is

Hair Cut

2007-09-21T11:42:00.000+02:00

In an episode of Sex in the City, Miranda chokes on a chicken bone while watching Geraldo. More than her fear of dying alone, Miranda fears that someone will think that she watches bad T.V.

The Midrash records that the matriarch Sarah's tent was need and organized, with the smell of fresh bread even after her death.

My mother never leaves our house in a mess in fear that she will be remembered as a messy person.

Tehila, the Agnon character washes her floor as a spiritual cleansing ritual before she dies, leaving that "Sponga look" to her apartment. Agnon equates the Sponga with the purifying waters of the Mikva.

In Both the T.V shows "Couplings" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm" the topic of men retrieving their friends "hidden stash" in case of disaster is expounded upon.

On this note, both my mother and I chose to get haircuts yesterday, not on a morbid note, rather that I am going to be in the hospital for a while and I can't imagine what my hair would have looked like.

by the way, the video posting was supposed to be a little on the comical side, I just wanted people to see that I am fine, I didn't mean to sound so serious I was just inspired by the Larry Craig press conference. I know many didn't take it that way.

Video Update

2007-09-20T22:42:00.000+02:00

2007-09-18T21:06:00.000+02:00

2007-09-18T20:36:00.000+02:00

Hospital pictures

2007-09-18T20:32:00.000+02:00

more visitors

2007-09-18T20:25:00.000+02:00

Sarah brought chicken wings from Selina. Zayde, Rebecca and Yaacov visited. Zayde stayed and watched cnn while I got a tranfusion. Kafka and Maresky are visiting now.

food

2007-09-18T16:54:00.000+02:00

Monday - steak from Joy express
tuesday - big apple pizza

bone marrow

2007-09-18T15:36:00.000+02:00

Tommorrow morning all my brothers are being tested, if there is a match we will do the transplant at hadassah, they are doing a blood tranfusion later on tonight since my hemoglobin is low

shaarei zedek day 2

2007-09-18T14:42:00.000+02:00

I'm a healthy 25 year old guy, who really has never seen the inside of the hospital except on 'Grey's Anatomy' and the occasional visit. But during the past 48 hours everything has changed.

A little backround

We recently had a family vacation in Eilat, one of the best vacations we've had in a long time. During that trip we took advantage of everything Eilat had to offer. Water sports, massages, parasailing, you name it.
On one of those nights when I got to the hotel room, I noticed severe internal bleeding on my arms. At the time I thought nothing of it, and assumed it was a bad reaction to the massage or a hit from the parasailing.

A week later my arms got better and I thought nothing of it.

Then while Sarah was away I started noticing that my body was bruising a little more easily. My face looked a little more pale than my pale self and my ear felt like it was underwater.

This eclectic list of symptoms culminated on Rosh Hashana when I started having trouble walking up a flight of stairs. I would feel lightheaded and there would be a hammer pounding inside my head.

On Monday I recounted all of this to the doctor, planning to head from there to the Monday night sushi buffet at the David's citadel. But the doctor said that he wanted to be cautious and he sent me to the emergency room.

The first telltale sign that something was wrong was the word leukemia on the doctor's note. But by the time we made it to the hospital I felt completely fine and was debating going out to eat and coming back later. Sarah insisted and we went in.

The nurse took some blood, and I started getting the feeling that I was one of those cases that they laugh about, give a placebo and discharge after sitting around for 4 hours.
But then the nurse threw a bomb, "there is no way you are going home tonight". They gave me a bed, even though I felt fine, but in the world of emergency rooms you always want a bed. You see a bed gets you a doctor faster than those poor people that sit on the chairs hoping someone will look their way.
My doctor, "Doctor Michael" approached holding a mask in his hand, the first thing he said was "you better put this on", I said, if I need that then Sarah is definitely sick. He told me that I have a very low count of all of the major components in my blood, platelets, red and white blood cells.
the Michael Jackson mask was for me, so I wouldn't catch anything.
It's amazing how quickly you start feeling sick after they admit you. I felt fine and suddenly they're telling me I need to stay overnight. I've kept my same clothes on, and I think not all the nurses realized that I was the patient, I was just a guy sitting in the hallway.

Sarah and I spent the night in this partitioned area where we heard everything that was going on. Sarah slept on a chair all night, she refused to leave.

To make a long story short - platelet transfusion lots of blood tests and a nice room on the seventh floor behind giant meat freezer plastic straps.

Tuesday they removed some bone marrow from my back.

the diagnosis at the moment is aplastic anemia the condition made famous by the 'bubble boy'.
Basically my bone marrow has gone on strike and does not produce blood. Thus my blood levels are low and my immune system is a little messed up.

now instead of putting people in a bubble they give them bone marrow transplants. I'm happy to know that my uncle ahron and aunt sheera is in the database.

in the meantime beth saar and my parents have come to visit and Sarah hasn't left my side even though I'm sure she is tired.

The Sataf

2007-07-19T22:33:00.000+03:00

Sometimes you have one of those moments when you say to yourself, what have I been doing until now... I had one of those today.
A little backround...
Four weeks ago I was asked to get up and thank the yeshiva (gush) for hosting our first reunion since I left Yeshiva two years ago. I was told to get up right as Rav Amital, the Rosh Yeshiva finished his talk.
As he was wrapping up his classic concise speech, I felt a tingling in my right nostril, I stood up and blood started dripping from my nose onto my shirt. This led to a misunderstanding. Rav Amital thought I was getting up to speak and he turned towards me an waited. In the meantime 200 heads turned my way in silent anticipation. I took a tissue held my nose and told the crowd to give me 5 minutes.
Since then my nose has been bleeding at least 3 times a day for the past 4 weeks.
After about two days of nosebleeds Sarah told me to go to the doctor, but of course I didn't listen. Little did I know that this would be a streak where Sarah would give me good advice and I wouldn't listen, she was right every time (for a change).
The side effect of chronic bloody noses is the inability to go outside. As if my nose wishes to offer blood libations to the sun goddess. Thus I became a fluorescent light worshipper for four beautiful Jerusalem weeks.... Appointment for the doctor... appointment for the ear nose and throat specialist... the guy sticks a match up my nose and burns me... it bleeds...it bleeds...it bleeds.... it bleeds at a bar... it stops bleeding.
Finally a stroke of good luck. Dan and Kafka call for lunch... we randomly decide to go on a hike to the sataf ... Pepper is there (I try not to believe in coincidences, but him being there is the most random thing that has ever happened to me)... We hike for about an hour and a half... The best hour and a half I've had in awhile - even inspired me to start writing again.

Life at Guantanamo Bay

2007-04-30T17:54:00.000+03:00

The radio show "This American Life" aired a fantastic episode, interviewing former inmates at Guantanamo Bay, who were exonerated. Ira Glass, the host of the show, points out correctly that although almost 400 inmates have been released, we never hear anything of them, possibly because they fear the US goverment. This is a very important show to hear. It originally aired last year and won the prestigious Peabody Prize. Click here to listen. It's an hour long, only listen when you have time, well worth the hour investment.

Pink- Dear Mr President - Live

2007-04-30T17:24:00.001+03:00

Must see. If your on Facebook click here

Sarah's encore

2007-04-26T19:15:00.001+03:00

Facebook people here

Posture and the Jews

2007-03-25T08:59:00.000+02:00

For as long as I can remember, everyone is always telling me to stand up straight. Of course, I never listened, and I have the worst posture ever. As I grew older, I started to realize that all Orthodox Jews (more so in my generation, more men than women) have horrible posture. I just don't get it.

One theory that I have been toying with is a shtetl like education prevalent in the orthodox world that encourges a lowly bent over lifestyle.

As the Ramban writes in his Iggeret:

" all your actions, words and thoughts, always regard yourself as standing before Hashem, with His Shechinah above you, for His glory fills the whole world. Speak with fear and awe, as a slave standing before his master. Act with restraint in front of everyone. When someone calls you, don't answer loudly, but gently and softly, as one who stands before his master."

Sarah's performance at Sideways

2007-03-22T12:38:00.001+02:00

You can get everything here

2007-02-25T13:44:00.000+02:00

Every family that makes Aliyah goes through a similar process to ours.

When we first made Aliyah, Israel was, in our eyes, a desolate land, where, although it did have running water, it was advisable never ever to use. All else, must be brought from America America.

It is not uncommon for families to send industrial size container full of tuna fish, ketchup, Tylenol, toilet paper, Kodak Film, Listerine, toothpaste, shampoo, toothpicks, meat, hot dogs, honey (honey is very rare here), and basically anything else Kirkland that can stuffed into suitcases. I like to call this the "we are making Aliyah because we are idealists and Zionists and don't care what hardships it entails" stage. At this stage, many American families install (I swear its true) a water softener, so that the hard Israeli water doesn't ruin their hair in the shower. If I sound condescending its only because we had such a softener.

Then comes the next stage, the "everything can be bought at the supermarket or the shuk and we have no more need for America" stage. This tends to kick in at the point where your teenage son refuses to take Tylenol because it expired 10 years ago. At that point you discover that Israel has pharmacies, albeit it takes you another 10 years to discover the hours of operation.

Then the house products section at the supermarket, then Israeli brand meat, then chicken hot dogs. You know that you've gone over the ledge when you buy your first shirt. There is no turning back, for all you care the Gap can go to hell, they sell clothing here!

BUT, when all the dust settles, you realize that as much as you want to shout and scream "they sell everything in Israel", there is no place like home.

The road to work

2007-02-20T20:03:00.000+02:00

I work at home. There are about four steps between my bed and my office. As such, it is sometime hard to separate between my home life and my work life. Moreover, my roommate and I sometimes disagree over what I can do around the house, while I am at the office. So I finally found the solution, a true epiphany for all those out there who share their workspace with their family - the tie.
That's right, after I wake up in the morning, shower, brush my teeth and get the usual small "cafe hafuch" from Yossi's bakery, I don a tie. From that moment on, no one, and I mean no one, is allowed to mention making the beds, watching TV, shopping, relaxing - I can't, I'm at the office.

DAY 11(7) - conclusion

2007-01-06T01:53:00.000+02:00

A classic jarheadesq day. Notwithstanding the legality of the possession of guns, the guy was just a hunter. Three bullets were aimed at him to kill, and by miracle he wasn't hurt. I wonder if Zohar is contemplating the fact that he almost killed someone.

DAY 11(8) - back at the base

2007-01-06T01:44:00.000+02:00

I found my camera battery, but lost my nokia earpiece when the shooting started. The pilot sticks his head out the window when landing - it looks exactly like an Israeli driver sticking his head out the window before he parks. Tonight we are doing a checkpost.

DAY 11(6)

2007-01-06T01:33:00.000+02:00

Everything is OK we are heading for where the helicopter is going to land

DAY 11(4) give me coffee or give me death

2007-01-06T01:28:00.000+02:00

While making the coffee our sniper noticed that the arab was armed. Three shots to the leg, we are now searching the area....

DAY 13 shabbat shalom

2007-01-05T19:49:00.000+02:00

Sunday is my last day, so I can already feel the end.

The hunter

An innocent man was almost killed the other day. It's easy to say that an arab shouldn't be walking around with a gun, but then again, we do believe in a basic right to bear arms. The guy had one bullet and was probably hunting for food for his family. We are the ones who need to change our rules - just like we differentiate between a rock and a gun, where a man bearing a gun is shot, we can differentiate between a hunters rifle and kalashnikov. There was no immidieate danger to us, as proof of that we continued making coffee while the shooting was going on. We were shooting at this old man with the most sophisticated of sniper rifles. Unfortunatly the only remorse the shooter has shown was that he missed, embarrassed that he didn't notice the rocks 10 feet in front of him.
This case was the exception not the rule. Throughout my stay here, people have treated the local population with respect and dignity.

Friday Update

It's poring out. I am patroling around Azun in the afternoon, checkpost tonight at around 1 am.

"Gadol hametzuveh v'oseh" - Greater is the one commanded to do, then the volunteer.

As a college student, I only have to be in Milluim for 21 days. My commander tried to make me "volunteer" for more days by decieving me about my rights. In the end some of the people here have done more time without even knowing it. There are people here that have volunteered, and I admire that. But when people volunteer they get to decide whent they get out, and in general have a lot more leeway. I am forced to be here, even though I would rather be in school, in addition some people look down upon me for excercising my right to leave after 21 days. Another reason why the checks and balances are crucuial.

Comments

I can't respond to comments from my cellphone but thanks for them, I read them.

Yoni - I use the bialleti all the time, ran out of coffee.
Rebbecca -
Chaim - I know you'll respond to this one
Ima
Ab
Anonymous
Suri
etc.

Lunch now - Sarah is coming for Shabbat.

DAY 12 shmirah

2007-01-05T07:23:00.000+02:00

Got back from the checkpost, shmirah till 2 am. When I got here there were two people in the shmirah hut, laughing their heads off and all the windows were closed - I wonder.

DAY 12(2)

2007-01-04T20:21:00.000+02:00

Shooting range, checkpost tonigh - supposed to rain. I ran out of coffee for my stovetop esspresso maker. Luckily karnei shomron has three stores - a supermarket, pizza shop and coffee bean store. The lady behind the corner didn't know how to grind it, quick call to Debbie katz and I had my coffee.

DAY 12

2007-01-04T18:24:00.000+02:00

Last night I came back from the checkpost, shmira till 2 slept till 11. We're going to the shooting range, since there are no targets we're going to shoot coke cans

DAY 11(5)

2007-01-03T18:12:00.000+02:00

Clarification

we were following some arabs waiting for them to get closer. Zohar, A3 from gush qatif saw that one of rhem had a gun - orders are that any armed person you shoot to kill. Zohar shot three shots but hit rocks near his gun. The guy got scared dropped his gun. Then Ben, a russian sniper shot one shot with his M24 right next to the guy as a warning. The guy dropped to the floor and we moved in. In the meantime we stopped three more people. The guy had a hunter's shotgun. A fight errupted between the soldiers whether to let the other shepards get their sheep that ran away - they did. We have now apprehended all of them, cuffed them and blindfolded - waiting for reenforcements.

DAY 11(4) coffee and cigarettes

2007-01-03T17:24:00.000+02:00

We are waiting to ambush the arabs, we're waiting out of site making coffee, the snipers are the only ones looking ahead.

DAY 11(3) Iberia and arabs

2007-01-03T17:17:00.000+02:00

The helicopter ride was 10 minutes, since then we've been patroling, the terrain is very rough. We stopped some arab infiltrators, while simultaniously i was on the phone with the travel agent finalizing our tickets.

DAY 11 - no pictures

2007-01-03T13:27:00.000+02:00

On our way to the helicopters. I lost my camera battery so no pictures. Our commander told us it's only illegal to take pictures in the helicopter if your caught.

the plan

from the yishuv Immanuel we will be picked up by,a blackhawk. Fly to a clearing between 2 arab villiages that aren't patroled that often. Patrol for 4-5 hours by foot. Helicopter takes us back. There have been times when the helicopter cant make the return journey, so we are ready for a long hike.

DAY 13 - the cook is sick

2007-01-03T01:06:00.000+02:00

In an ironic turn of events the cook (of all people!) got sick. I was sent in to do the dishes. We wake up tomorrow at 5 am and will be picked up by helicopter from Immanuel.

helicopters

2007-01-02T21:22:00.000+02:00

After 28 hours I am finally leaving the pillbox for good. Thank g-d I have not needed to use the outhouse. Tommorow we have an all day training exercise in which we'll be flying in helicopters - there will be pictures....

2007-01-02T17:59:00.000+02:00

2007-01-02T17:46:00.000+02:00

life after the pilbox - written from the pillbox

2007-01-02T05:28:00.000+02:00

I'm trying to figure out why Israelis call it a "feelbox". The word philosopher is translated pilosof - that might give a hint.
In the meantime i was told that at 2 pm they would come to get me its 11 and I'm still here probably for at least 24 hours if not more.

here is a little recap

Thursday

we did something called a check post: basically you hide in the bushes next to a quite road waiting for a car to come - there are three teams - 2 that have spikes hidden in the trees that are connected to a string when the car enters the area between the two teams they pull the strings, putting the spikes in the middle of the road essentially trapping the car if it tries to run away. Then team three signals the car to stop, removes all the people, frisks them, searches the car, checks there id cards against a wanted list, interrogates them and lets them go. I was in team three. We were positioned on a small dirt road connecting between Azun and kfar lakef - 2 cars were stopped between 8 pm and midnight. One car with a father and two teenage sons - the father didn't really speak Hebrew. They were from the village of kasem and were going to the doctor in azun. The other car had a bunch of 40 year old brothers going to Azun to buy sheep for id-el-chaj, a festival to commemorate the prophet Ibrahim (Abraham) sacrificing his son Ishmael. The idea of the check post is to give the arabs the feeling that the IDF is everywhere. Imagine the psychological effect of soldiers appearing as if from thin air. I would say that that is one of the army's main strategies in the occupied areas.

Friday

kitchen duty- peeled carrots potatoes and washed dishes

Saturday

shmirah on the base. Sarah came and stayed at the Greenspan's but ate on the base. First of all i commend sarah for being so brave. People that have been in the unit for 10 years said that they were embarrassed to bring their wives and impressed that Sarah came. Let's also point out that the base, food, utensils aren't the cleanest but Sarah braved it out. It was great to have her there, I also think we understand each other better now. Sarah left right after shabbat and a slice of pizza. At 2 am i had shmira again, which is where i discovered one of the secrets of miluim. Many of the people in my plugah use shmirah as an outlet for their Mary Louis-Parker inspired lifestyle.

Sunday

fast. 8 hour patrol in hummer. I got really car sick. When we went through Azun we were hit with rocks - makes a loud noise but does nothing to the hummer. Later on we searched for a suspicious person that was seen in the woods who turned out to be a dog. We finished off by lighting guzniks - torches lit in random places that supposedly solidify the fact the tzahal is everywhere.

Monday
patrol on foot around the pillbox and outskirts of Azun. Pillbox for at least 24 hours.

pillbox again - Baltam

2007-01-02T05:27:00.000+02:00

An addition to the glossary - baltam - an acronym for bilti metuchnan - unforeseen change. A living example - this morning i found myself doing shmirah in a little guard tower next to my caravan. At around 930 after being there since 600 someone in the pillbox started throwing up and had to be sent home - 30 minutes later I was sitting on the floor of the legendary pillbox. Don't worry - it's nice and dry and warm.
Since the last post quite a lot has happened. Coming soon...

2006-12-28T15:30:00.000+02:00

pillbox update umbrella on the laptop

2006-12-28T04:31:00.000+02:00

Arrived at Maale Shomron on Monday after a nice break at home. Maale Shomron is in the northern part of the west bank parallel to Kefar Saba, walking distance from Neve Aliza, Ginot Shomron Karnei Shomron. For the first couple of days I was assigned to two guard posts around the base one right outside my room and the other in the middle of nowhere ten minute walk from the base, luckily I have a car and am able to drive to the outpost. Hearing the forecast for Tuesday and Wednesday, I a was afraid to stay at the base, I hate doing Shmirah in the rain. The rooms are disgusting, old caravans with mattresses that make you feel like your sleeping on the floor. Some of the windows have no glass and suffice to say the insulation isn't great. So you can imagine I was happy when they assigned me to the "pillbox" for 48 hours. A pillbox is an outpost shaped like an over sized Advil liquid capsule that overlooks a strategic point. Ours overlooks the Palestinian village of Azun and part of the road leading to Karnei Shomron, which has been prone to rock throwing. 4 people live in the pillbox for 48 hours, one is on Shmirah all the time. At night we have thermal night vision capabilities. There are two platforms, one with panoramic windows and openings for guns - that's where the Shmirah is done. There is a trap door in the floor that leads to the bottom where there are two beds, the top bunk has about as much space as you have in deep kitchen drawers - you know the double ones. There is no bathroom in the pillbox, two people have to go together outside to pee or more. To make a long story short, it has pored in Israel for two days and let's just say that our pillbox roof doesn't have such a super fit. It rains in here almost like we are outdoors, everything is wet, and nowhere to go, I brought an umbrella for my laptop - pictures coming. Finally after 36 hours we did a half our patrol in the are to understand our defenses - so good to stretch my legs. Azun has been quiet. Except yesterday a taxi driver was thrown out of his car and the car disappeared into the village. There's probably nowhere safer than a pillbox, even if everything is wet - which those who were in the army know - is the absolute worst. We are leaving 2 p.m Thursday - at least the food is decent - hot dogs for lunch, but I didn't eat that many, because the bathroom is nasty. The rain just stopped.

One more note - an important thing in the army is not always to conform and wear green but to bring some color - it keeps you sane. Or as the Hebrew saying goes "îòè îï äàæøçåú ãåçä äøáä îï äöáà" (a little bit of the civilian world banishes much of the army) - so for example if you are bringing coffee mugs with you to drink Turkish coffee on those long cold nights, bring saucers too and feel a little British aristocracy. In that vain, and I don't regret it, I brought my sheets, pillow and down blanket for my sleeping hours. Yes it all got wet, but nothing a couple of hours in front of the blow heater couldn't fix, and for a couple of hours I felt like I was home.

Many pictures and videos coming.

Characters

2006-12-24T12:07:00.000+02:00

This post is dedicated to the eclectic bunch of people that do miluim. One of the most unfortunate things about miluim is that it is a burden held by a very minute part of the population. The masses don't always understand just how difficult it is to leave your entire life behind for a month of a year.

Azulai - - young entrepreneur from Tel-Aviv. Azulai owns 3 franchises of Pizza-Meter. The most popular toppings are pepperoni and shrimp. He promised me that if I ever make it to one of his stores he will make me a kosher Pizza.

Zohar - A former resident of Gush katif, Zohar, who always has a "Am im haGolan" hat on his head has volunteered for miluim. Although his wife would have preferred for him to be home over Chanukah, Zohar chose to volunteer during the festival. He quotes the Talmud saying that we do not disturb children's Torah learning, even to build the temple - thus he being an elementary school rebbe preferred to go away during school vacation.

Bensha - Ofir Ben-Shabbat - a former commander of mine and now a Chapash (Chayal Pashut, simple soldier) like me. Since being discharged from the army he has been in India for over a year. In India he found God and now dons Teffillin every morning. He still eats at Azoulai's Pizza shop.

Shuli - Friend from the army. Sometimes we attempt to fight the system together.

Nachmani - a corrupt former commander of ours who probably hoped never to see us again - now he is a soldier in our Gedud.

Michael - a Datlash (Dati leshavar - formally religious) - studied at Netiv Meir (if you were wondering - had no connection with Kopolovitz). The religious people in our Plugah look down upon him and at the same time disregard him as a mistake of the religious schooling system. I overheard a ridicules conversation where they wanted to know what exactly nonreligious people do at bars, how much it costs to get in and why people pay 5 dollars for a bear when they can buy one at cvs for a dollar.

Ariel - my mem peh מ"פ. He is religious, they always say religious officers are the worst. Traditionally all simple soldiers hate officers and band together to imitate them and complain against them. The schle is a nickname for the end of the coke bottle, which supposedly has 90 percent spit, it is customary to offer the schle to an officer.

Glossary 1

2006-12-23T23:15:00.000+02:00

When a group of old army friends get together, they seem to talk in a language unintelligible to the outside world. here is a non authoritative glossary of some of that jargon for the sake of those that never were in the Israeli army.

M16 - The gun of choice in the infantry. Traditionally in the Israeli army the shorter the gun the more prestigious. Thus soldiers in basic training get long M16s (aroch - ארוך) their commanders, shorter ones (mekuzar - מקוצר), elite units - even shorter ones (mekuzrar - מקוצרר) and the most elite of all get to carry pistols. It is said that in the American army it works the opposite - the longer the gun the better (supposedly the longer ones are more accurate). Today, more and more soldiers are getting shorter guns, so prestige needs to be shown in different ways. A friend of mine who is an officer in a company where everyone has short guns shows his exclusivity by adding a built in flashlight, handle, scope and other accessories. My gun, the one Sarah is holding, is slightly shorter than the traditional short M16. It was originally long and the front was sawed off. Other guns you might see are the Uzi and Galil - two heavy Israeli guns that aren't really used, and the Tavor - an experimental robocop type gun, used by some in the Givati Brigade.

Negev - an Israeli machine gun that is very light, but at the same time can give excellent cover. usually the "Negevist" walks at the front of the pack spraying the area ahead with bullets to ensure cover for the rest of the soldiers as they advance. Instead of magazines the Negev has ammunition drums with Rambo style bullet chains inside - 150 bullets in each drum.

Ephod - Battle vest - has compartments for magazines, canteens, grenades and other things you might need in battle. Not to be mistaken with a bullet proof vest, the ephod is just an elaborate knapsack.

Rashei Tevot - acronyms, an important part of the army vocabulary.

תרג"ד (Targad) - targil gedudi (Targil means exercise, gedud explained later)

תרפ"ל (Tarpal) - Targil Plugati

תרמ"ח (Tarmach) - targil Machlaka

נגמ"ש (נושא גייסות משוריין) ג - nagmash - armoured personnel carrier

ש"ג (shin Gimel) - not clear but it means the main gate

מ"מ - (mem-mem) mefaket machlacka - platoon commander - platoon will be explained later on. The word itself doesn't matter, just the fact that there are around 30 people in a platoon.

מ"פ - mefaked plugah - company commander

מ"כ (Mak) - mefaked kitah

מג"ד (magad) - mefaked gdud - battalion commander

רס"פ (rassap) - rav samal plugati - the company logistics guy

NOTE: if you add the letter ס to any of the acronyms you get the second in command - the sgan סגן - for example - סמג"ד, סמ"פ, סרס"פ but there is no סמ"מ he is referred to as the סמל Sergeant.

Now I'll list the different size units:

Zug Barzel - your partner, similar to the buddy system in swimming. when army units are broken down to the lowest level you are still not alone. my partner, ironically, was just disengaged from his house in Gush Qatif.

Note - the names aren't important, just understand that if we did an exercise with a company, than there were 100 soldiers, but if it was a targil chuliyah there were only 4 people.

Chuliyah - a group of 4 that battle together.

Kitah - 2 chuliyot. The commander of a Kitah has special training and is a seargent.

machlaka - platoon - 2 Kitot, between 20 and 30 soldiers. The commander is an officer straight out of officer training.

plugah - company - 3 Machlakot - 60 to 100 soldiers. The commander is a captain (which is a relativly serious rank)

Gedud - Battalion - 4 plugot, usually 3 combat companies and another that gives logistic support - medical, communication, car repair etc. a Gedud is really a self contained unit that can go to battle. one of the plugot in a gedud has heavy weaponry that can give cover while the other plugot move ahead. A gedud has a doctor, portable kitchen, portable shul. Our Targad - or Targil Gedudi (Battalion exercise) involved 400 people.

Chativa - 3 or four Gedudim - similar in construct to a gedud, only a chativah's logistical capabilities are a little more sophisticated.

Targil Chuliya

2006-12-21T12:17:00.001+02:00

I know some of you are worried, but this is not classified. I am filming. The guy standing up is an officer overseeing the excercise so don't mind him. The little heads are cardboard enemy targets that their shooting at.

Some pictures from the Targad

2006-12-21T11:30:00.000+02:00

You can see the laser tag systems on my gun and the vest and head piece on my helmet. Yoni pointed out that it's an American system called MILES (Multiple Integrated Laser Engagement System). read about it here on wikipeida:

The Multiple Integrated Laser Engagement System or MILES is used by the United States Armed Forces and other armed forces around the world for training purposes. It uses lasers and blank cartridges to simulate actual battle.

Individual soldiers carry small laser receivers scattered over their bodies, which detect when the soldier has been shined by a firearm's laser. Each laser transmitter is set to mimic the effective range of the weapon on which it is used. When a person is "hit," a medic can use the digital readout to determine which first aid method to practice.

Targad update

2006-12-20T21:25:00.000+02:00

I' sitting on a hill somewhere. I think these exercises are much more elaborate during miluim. Most of our plugah was killed so we are taking a break while other plugot move forward. With nightfall we will get to the Arab village and go house to house

targad

2006-12-20T17:12:00.000+02:00

We're on our way to a final exercise with the entire gdud. 4 hour hike, wait for nightfall, capture some territory. We have this very sophisticated laser tag on our guns that simulates and records everything. We have 8 'cartridges' every time one is finished you cant shoot for 4 seconds. There are different settings for different types of guns like negev A3. It beeps when someone is shooting you and locks you out when your dead. Another person can pick up a dead persons gun and continue with his ammunition. Should be back at around 8. Because there are no bullets being fired i filled all my ammunition pouches with food for the way.

Tuesday - kafar lachish

2006-12-20T07:37:00.000+02:00

No reception for a while. We stayed out in the field till ten last night mirroring everything we did during the day at night. Every time we use live fire at night I'm sure someone might get hurt. Last night there was complete darkness, couldn't see a thing. To top it off we ran carrying an open stretcher back to the base. The night was redeemed with coke in a GLASS BOTTLE. Today we woke up early, although honestly i didn't because they couldn't find my tent and no one woke me. There is a mock Arab village here and we've been practicing patrols, entering homes and basic urban warfare. The Israeli army has yet to change the training regiment to one which is more appropriate for urban warfare. We still spend most of our time learning how to capture hills, as if we are going to battle in an open field and not in a city or houses. What might of changed is the recognition that the problem exists. We will be based in the Shomron near Arab villages and as thus our commander told us that we should probably put more focus on urban warfare. He then continued to say that we wont because the army isn't set up that way. This makes private security contractors far more sophisticated because they train with more relevant techniques. On top of that everyone learned something else. Our oldest soldiers were in the army in 86. They didn't even have M16s back then, there was in Israeli gun - the Galil. With all this confusion, we just hung out for most of the day. With darkness we practiced an arrest in an Arab village. schnitzel for lunch. Note to the cooks - we get our food in those metal compartmental plates with the heavy paper top. You don't have to put the schnitzel into the big compartment if it isn't big, even if its the main part of the meal. Put the carbohydrates in the big one. There is nothing worse than getting one of those "chamgashiot" (hebrew for the metal plates) picking it up and realizing that its "too light"

The tents

2006-12-19T22:23:00.000+02:00

I ate

2006-12-18T20:06:00.000+02:00

Lunch was chicken not the best but there was rice. In typical army style we haven't done anything for three hours - time for reading.

Red Bull saves the day

2006-12-18T18:39:00.000+02:00

A couple of girls came around giving out ice cold red bull as a promption, so I had my caffine fix for the day. We just did our first live fire open field exercise - interestingly the older people in their forties are better trained than the young people fresh out of the army.

Targil 1

2006-12-18T17:34:00.000+02:00

We just practiced getting out of a jeep and storming the enemy. I was definatly killed. When i got out of the back of the jeep there was no where to hide and he got me. Then later on as i was running towards him he got me again. Now some relaxing in these random huts called "pricasts" that birds like poo in. By the way we got excellent equiptment - every one has short M16s

where I am

2006-12-18T17:30:00.000+02:00

Brigade 5 battalion 8111 company L platoon 1. My platoon commanders name is UZI he explained that the philosophy used to be that there are chuliot of 3 people, but the army realized that people are more comfertable when they aren't the odd man out and there is a buddy system. So they switched it to two pairs of two. I forgot to mention that a tent caught on fire last night. The tents have these ancient furnaces that are so a fire hazard but no one cares because it keeps the tent warm. Anyway one of the furnaces exploded last night.

food

2006-12-18T16:50:00.000+02:00

This morning they had hardboiled eggs brought to the field with cucumbers tomatoes and chocalate spread. I couldn't touch them. All I've eaten since I got here is a sufganiah two excedren a lot of tea with a lot of sugar from those giant thermoses and a cup of coffee someone made me this morning. Looking forward to lunch.

pictures

2006-12-18T16:46:00.000+02:00

I've been taking pictures but i can't figure out how to post them from my cellphone.

Monday morning

2006-12-18T16:42:00.000+02:00

The gun was found thrown in the corner of some tent. We're in the field, just finished callibrating my gun - it works. All they talk about is how everything is goinf to be more professional since the war. Today we are doing targilei chuliah and kitah - day and night.

midnight-a gun was stolen

2006-12-18T07:35:00.000+02:00

A gun was stolen. They took the soldier who lost the gun away in handcuffs. They are now searching through all the tents. We wont go to sleep until they find the gun. People say we will be up all night

My tent

2006-12-18T06:34:00.000+02:00

Miluim - Day 1

2006-12-18T06:29:00.000+02:00

I'm starting up the blog again from my cellphone. A little backround: I was called to 24 days of reserve duty. In theory I should have been able to shorten my service to 11 days, but since I spent the past year in the US, I wasn't aware of the procedure. So it looks like I'm in for the long run. There is still a little hope that the commander will shorten my time. If it sounds like I'm in jail, that's what it feels like. We are entirely cut off from civilization. Everything seems to move at a slower pace once you put on a uniform. I arrived at the training base today at 3 in the afternoon and reported for service. 2 hours later I had a gun and equiptment straight out of a world war II movie. There are people here that were my commanders in the army and they are now "privates" again, just like me. here seinority is measured very differently. Life experience is admired, there are people here with 3 or 4 kids. I mentioned to someone that I got married 3 months ago, his immidiate reaction was to tell me that there are people here that were married weeks ago. There are american girls on the base here volunteering in full tzahal uniforms and UGG boots. I'm sleeping next to a former commander of mine who just returned from India. Technology has changed the way people spend your time in the army. Guard duty used to be the most boring thing in the world. Now people bring PSPs IPODs phones with internet. Our schedule for the next couple of days: Monday: wake up at 530. Target practice in the morning. Most of the day we will be in the field practicing manuvers in open fields. Transition from day to night, then everything all over again. The food has been bad so far, i remember it being better, i guess I'm not used to it yet. Another thing that takes getting used to is the communal showers...

Common Sense and Halachic sense

2006-03-01T17:16:00.000+02:00

Many people mistakenly think that those two terms are synonymous. Here are a few examples:

The Halachot of Meat and Milk dishes - Hot vs. cold, 24 hours, sticking a knife in the ground, have no basis in a scientific world.
Why would spotting make a woman Niddah on a white garment, but the same woman is pure if the spot was on black.

The idea that halacha uses the same logic that we always use, can lead to many misunderstandings and oversimplifications of the process.

Brokeback mountain

2006-02-14T22:20:00.000+02:00

The original New Yorker article by Annie Proulx

This is an interesting article

2006-02-14T21:27:00.000+02:00

My mother showed it to me, from the Atlanta Jewish life:

meet the metrodox Young, hip, and perennially guilt-ridden, a new wave of Gen-X Jews are walking the fine line between modern and Orthodox.
For all intents and purposes, they define themselves as Modern Orthodox: They grew up observing Shabbat and keeping kosher. They probably spent a year after high school hanging out in Israel, and then went on to attend a college with a heavy Jewish population. Now, they've graduated and are in the workforce tackling the professional worlds of computer programming, marketing, Wall Street banking, non-profits, and occupational therapy — just to name a few of the popular fields. Safely away from their families, they are living with thousands of like-minded Jewish singles, and have created a counterculture unique all their own. While they may keep kosher and pray three times a day, they also go clubbing and are involved in physical relationships with those of the opposite sex. While they may feel a sense of connection being around so many like-minded young Jews, they also feel an unbearable sense of loneliness and despair. It's a cognitive dissonance that has the rest of the nation befuddled and perplexed at how this enclave came about, what motivates them, and where its future lies.

This New Yorker cartoon sums up New York

2006-02-08T19:59:00.000+02:00

This reminds me of a restaurant on Amsterdam ave.

2006-01-12T20:58:00.000+02:00

This is an excerpt from an article by Rabbi Eliezer Melamed:

בנפול אויבך רבים מאיתנו שאלו את עצמם בשבוע האחרון כיצד ראוי מבחינה מוסרית לחוש כלפי מחלתו הקשה של ראש הממשלה אריאל שרון. מצד אחד הכול רואים כי יש דין ויש דיין, המגרש גורש והמחריב נחרב. ומצד שני אין ראוי לשמוח לאידו של יהודי, וכפי שנאמר (משלי כד, יז): "בנפול אויבך אל תשמח, ובכושלו אל יגל לבך". ואמנם בנפול גוי שונא ישראל שמחים, אבל כאשר יהודי שנעשה לך אויב נופל, אל תשמח (מגילה טז, א).אכן ראוי שלא לשמוח לאידו, כי סוף כל סוף מדובר ביהודי, שיש בו ניצוץ קדוש, והטוב ביותר היה שיחזור בתשובה. אולם מאידך אפשר להיות מרוצים מאוד מכך שכבר לא יוכל להיות ראש ממשלה.צער המגורשים הגירוש והחרבת היישובים היו חטאים נוראים, אבל אפשר היה לטעון כי התומכים בהם סברו לעצמם כי הדבר יועיל לביטחונם ורווחתם של ישראל. אבל מדוע לא טיפלו בכבוד הראוי במגורשים - על כך כבר אין תירוץ. וחוזר הדין ומתגלגל על כל המעשה הרע שבגירוש והחרבת היישובים, שהכול נעשה שלא כראוי.אולי ניתנה משמיים לראש הממשלה ההזדמנות לפייס את המגורשים ולהראות להם כי אין כאן רוע לב, אך הוא היה עסוק בכבודו ומעמדו, ועל כך נגזר דינו. יש שמתקוממים מאוד כנגד הניסיון לפרש את דרכיו של הבורא יתברך. לפעמים התקוממות זו היא ביטוי של כפירה, כאילו עזב ה' את הארץ ועולם כמנהגו נוהג, ואין דין ואין דיין. אמנם נכון שבלא נביא איננו יכולים לדעת בוודאות את הנהגתו, אבל חובה עלינו לנסות להבין את הנהגתו. כך עשו תמיד חכמי ישראל בכל הדורות. לעיתים אמרו בתחילה דבר כסברה, ובמשך הזמן נתקבלה הסברה והפכה לעמדה. וכך גם עלינו לעשות.

Whatever looks frum must be

2006-01-09T18:51:00.000+02:00

Why is it, that certain things look “frum” and others don’t:

Black and navy are frum
Shatels
Being Machmir is frum, only when two circumstances are present: The Chumra leads to some burden and the chumra does not make women do more Mitzvot.

So for example – a man should make Kiddush for a woman, even if that is really a kula, because she is obligated and he is not.

You must take all Midrash literally – all those crazy stories happened.
You must not ever take Tanach literally, expect for the story of creation which had to have happened in seven days exactly the way it is written.
You must pronounce every Hebrew word wrong, with the emphasis on the first syllable.
It’s frum to marry young as an outlet to impure thoughts, but it is not frum to enjoy the sex that became an outlet.

There are more to come

Cleveland

2006-01-01T01:43:00.000+02:00

If you were wondering why I stopped writing for a while.

I spent a weekend in Cleveland, Cleveland was boring.

Working on the blog

2005-12-29T05:21:00.000+02:00

Moshe, my roommate in the apartment

2005-12-29T05:13:00.000+02:00

Orthodoxy, singles, homosexuals and smicha

2005-12-29T05:02:00.000+02:00

Movies many times, inspire thought provoking ideas, which is what befell me the other night. I was sitting in my apartment, channel surfing, when I happened upon the movie “speed”. The plot is not important for our story, although I’m sure all of you are groaning thinking about the retarded jump scene; or possibly you are debating whether Keanu Reeves \ Sandra Bullock are good looking / good actors.
I want to bring your attention to a more obscure dialogue right before the highway ends and the bus jumps:

I can't be here.
I can't, you know
......this is the wrong bus.
I mean, for me to
...I can't die here.
Hey, shut up, man.
I got a wife.
Oh, you do? Hey! So if you have a wife......and I don't, does that mean I'm
expendable

This feeling that single people are expendable is especially widespread in the Orthodox Jewish community, especially in the world of education. People joke about NCSY smicha, but sometimes I feel like ordination is given together with the Ketubbah. If the Gemara says that with loss of virginity a girl becomes a woman, then a male educator becomes a Rabbi.
As someone once said to me, “The orthodox world has no room for single people, that’s why homosexuals feel estranged from their community”.
That is no success story to say that there are very low percentages of homosexual people in the Orthodox world. If by being homosexual you are immediately shunned, you leave your community, possibly go on a trip to the far east, and the Orthodox world you came from keeps it’s perfect, straight batting average. We have no orthodox gay men because they never stay orthodox after they come out of the closet. We can mock the conservative and reform people all we want, but they embrace our castaways. We have no drug addicts, no alcoholics, no transvestites - because we prefer to hand them over to the atheists and the Conservatives. Are we going to throw out single people as well? Or are we going to find a place for them and find a solution to their needs.
To paraphrase on Shakespeare:

I am single. Hath not a single eyes? hath not a single hands, organs,
dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the
same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and
cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we
not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die?
and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we
will resemble you in that.

Parshat Toldot - The middle child syndrome

2005-12-01T23:25:00.000+02:00

Isaac Meeting Rebecca , Circa 1640
Castiglione, Giovanni Benedetto (Il Grechetto)

Looking at the stories of Isaac through we find quite a lacking in comparison with the other fathers. Isaac is a very passive character that doesn't really say that much and we don't know much about him.

He doesn't choose his own bride like Abraham and Jacob. Abraham's slave is sent to find a bride for him.
When Rebecca shows up on the seen, she seems very emotional and deliberate. She falls off the donkey dramatically, she enters Sarah's tent immediately. Isaac on the other hand is in the fields talking or prayer, his manner shows no anticipation. Just look at the picture above - who is the dominant one?
Isaac loves the wrong son for the wrong reasons (he liked a good meal), although all the fathers had that problem. Rebecca saves the day.
Abraham was tested actively in the binding, Isaac passively.
Isaac is not creative, never explores or leaves the country.
Blind at a young age, doesn't know what's going on.
When he digs wells, he is merely reopening his fathers - no initiative.
When there is a famine he does the same thing Abraham did. In fact, almost all we know about Isaac is a mirror of Abraham's life.

The key to understanding Isaac is to search for his unique qualities. Isaac never leaves the land of Canaan. He lives a scheduled never changing exsistance. Isaac's uniqueness is in that passive nature. His consistency is his greatest virtue. Every day he does the same thing, everyone sees him. He doesn't run off on all these creative tangents.
This consistency is imperative in creating our chazaka in the land. Even if God promises you the land it takes time to make it yours. Abraham refers to himself as a "ger" a stranger to Efron. Only consistent settlement can create the publicity needed to be considered an owner. Just think ho long it took the Laromme to be called the Inbal or Brovenders Midreshet Lindenbaum. Ownership doesn't prove anything, only simple consistent living (as in Baba Batra third Perek).

Sefer Breishit is the story of our origin as mankind and as a people. If Abraham was the pioneer of Faith through his exploration; Jacob the nation through leadership; Isaac solidified our hold on the land.